Six degrees of Separation
by AvecHer
Summary: Everything changed.


**Six degrees of separation**

* * *

_**First, you think the worst is a broken heart**_

He should've listened. He realizes that but it's not like he knew. She didn't tell him, she lied after all they've been through.

He should've known. But how could he really?

Why does it feel like _he_'s the jackass here?

(...)

She knows that _she is_. She's a jackass, a coward. She's been keeping him out all this time while she knew.

She knew.

It's not like he was going to be there forever.

But maybe if he held on a little longer, waited for a little longer…

Just a little.

Then she wouldn't be picking up the pieces of her broken heart. Maybe this is just the worst part. She'll have to try living without him.

_She should've made him listen._

* * *

_**What's gonna kill you is the second part**_

It's been a week and it's killing them both.

She has been staying with Lanie and all she has are the clothes she keeps in the precinct. She couldn't face him after _that._ She doesn't know what her head will do when she sees him. She has an idea of what her heart will do but she can't. She won't. It's too soon.

She wants to call him but she catches herself staring at the picture on her background every single time she gets her phone out. She stares at their smiles.

She puts down the phone and leaves to Interrogation One.

_It's killing her._

(...)

He hasn't done anything, really. Just the basics. Get up from the couch (because _their _bed had _her _all over it), avoid the coffee machine, get something to eat (which he has been neglecting lately because he hasn't left the house in a few days and when he first ordered after _that _the pizza guy asked where _she _was. He hasn't ordered anything since.), and then just sit. He couldn't write, because if he did write, it would be about her. How she frustrates him and challenges him but he still loves her.

He _still_ loves _her._

How can he still love her after _that_? How much has he really fallen for her? How much is he willing to sacrifice for her?

_It's killing him._

* * *

_**And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle**_

'We don't have to do this.'

'I think we do, Beckett.'

'We can make it work; we can get past _that._ Rick, just give me a chance. I can fix this.'

'You can't. I can't. I just want to stop hurting. I want to be happy. I want you to be happy.'

'I can be happy, Castle. With you. Only you. Don't do this, please.'

'I'm sorry. I'll send your stuff over after you've settled. Just-'

'No, I don't… Castle. Listen to me.'

'Just text me your address when you've settled, Kate.'

He closes the door.

* * *

_**And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself**_

She's fine. It's been a year. She's more than fine. It's been a year, today. She's _fine._

Esposito finds her in Interrogation One.

_She's not fine._

(...)

He smiles at his daughter and his girlfriend like today doesn't mean anything to him. It doesn't. It's been a year.

It's over.

Done.

He moved on. When Josie leans in to kiss him, it still surprises him.

_She's not her._

_She never will be._

_Kate…_

* * *

_**Fifth, you see them out with someone else**_

It's been two years. He's getting married, again. He doesn't even remember it happening. He doesn't remember the proposal. He just asked her in a moment of weakness. He does love Josie.

_Just not like he loved her._

(...)

She saw them in jewelry store.

Rings.

They were looking at rings.

He's getting married.

Ryan told her when he got the invitation. When he showed it to her, Esposito took it out of his hands and ripped in into pieces.

They haven't talked in a week.

And it's her fault. Espo is just looking out for her. But so is Kev. She made sure they made up the next week.

* * *

_**And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little.**_

'Hey.'

'What are you doing here?'

_She's different. _'I just- I wanted to talk to Ryan… and you.'

'He's not here. He's with Jenny at the hospital. He's a dad now. And I'm just leaving so…'

'I'm sorry.' _I love you._

'Don't. It's not like you pulled the trigger.'

'He… He was a good guy.'

'A_ 'good' _guy_? _What the hell happened to you? This is not just somebody… He… Javi was the best man I've ever known. And while he bled to death in my arms, he told me to stay strong. He's the only one that found me crying on the floor of Interrogation because I couldn't get over you. But I got over you. It's been seven years, Rick. You have no right to be here. No right to be 'sorry'. Just stay out of my life. Out of _our _lives.'

(…)

When he signs the divorce papers, he knows.

_He fucked up._

It's not like he was so sure that this would last. Third time wasn't the charm. Her words. His heart.

_It would've been if he married her._

(...)

When she leaves from her visit to the hospital, she doesn't go back to her apartment.

She finds herself at the graveyard.

'Javi, I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry but I can't stay strong. I can't pretend like I don't care.'

_She does care._

_She fucked up._


End file.
